Glimmer

“Glimmer”, 18x24”, watercolor on paper, 2023

My first solo show at the Harrison Center for the Arts last month was a success and I’m so grateful for all of the people who helped to make it happen. Talking about my medical PTSD was difficult, and even though I didn’t go into too many details, it still brought up some stuff for me. That’s the thing about trauma and even growth and healing from trauma- it doesn’t make it feel like it never happened in the first place. If you can get the right help for it, you can move through triggers with a little more ease and a feeling of safety. 

While painting has contributed a lot to my post traumatic growth, I’ve also learned about something called “glimmers”. Glimmers are the opposite of triggers- they are small moments of joy and can signal comfort and safety. I realized, organically, that I was experiencing these without knowing there was a name for it (also, I believe the term is quite new, at least in relation to trauma). When I was working on my endurance with walking again, I noticed things around my neighborhood that I don’t think I would have noticed before. I think there was also a renewed sense of awe and wonder for life after coming so close to death. 

Also, as a reminder, healing is not linear. I’m not experiencing joy all of the time (I don’t think anyone does!) and I still get anxious when I have to have blood drawn (something I never used to have a problem with before sepsis). Last Fall I had a particularly rough few months, medically and personally; it felt dark for a while. I continued to paint through it, and tried my best to use all of the coping techniques I knew, but it was rough. 

In late Winter, my son and I were on a little hike at a nearby park and were engrossed in thoughtful conversation when I saw the sun shining (glimmering!) on the rocks, just under the surface of the water. It felt symbolic and metaphorical, so I asked him to help me get a picture. We worked together to take several photos because I knew I wanted to paint this scene someday and commemorate the feeling of this glimmer. 

So, for anyone out there who has PTSD, or has been through a rough time, or really just needs a little help, please don’t hesitate to find someone to help you through it. We all need a little help sometimes. Healing is hard work, but it’s worth it. Look for small things that bring you a bit of joy whenever you can. Acknowledge it, even if it seems silly. Give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing it. Give yourself the gift of hope. I hope this painting inspires you to see the glimmers in life.

I’m excited to announce that this piece has been accepted into the 41st Annual Juried Exhibit for the Watercolor Society of Indiana. The opening reception is  being held at Newfields/IMA on August 6th and will be on display through September 30, 2023. If you are in Indianapolis, please stop by- there are so many talented watercolorists in this state!